Missing you

There was a time, not too long ago, when I was mesmerized by you. I couldn't stop thinking of you. Everything I did was engulfed in thoughts of you. Some things, lesser things, stopped holding my attention at all. I miss that.

I miss the rush of excitement I felt when I sat down to read the precious words you wrote to me. I miss spending hours pondering who are you, and anxious to know you better. I miss the way you captivated me, and made everything else seem so trivial.  I miss that.

I miss the emotions that you brought out in me. I miss being in complete awe of you. I miss wanting you. I miss the pure joy I found in just being yours. I miss the overwhelming sense of your presence. I miss the way it felt when my heart yielded a little more to yours, and I knew I looked a little more like you.

I miss you, oh God. My God. My beautiful, perfect, indescribable God. I MISS YOU. I'm broken without you. I'm reminded again that there is nothing good in me. That I am nothing apart from you. And that nothing else can satisfy me. And I wonder why I ever thought it could. 

I ran from you towards other things. And tried my way once again.  Then I hid from you, ashamed. Yet you pursued me. And told me that nothing could separate me from you...nothing.  And I know that if I could, I would. I would. And I throw myself at your feet because you said nothing. Nothing. 

And I'm mesmerized by you once again.